Not a moment too Soon

Mark came into my life, not a moment too soon. We met earlier in the past when I was a lot younger, but initially in Sunday School when I got back from Costa Rica. The last few months before I met Mark, I was beginning to fall so deeply into the pit, convinced that "love" did not exist. I quote myself from a note I posted in November out of complete mourning for my hearts condition:

"Can an individual who has no self worth find love and restoration? Heck, the world and society is not going to provide. I am at
this point convinced that love is basically a script. We are conditioned to treat others with "love". BUT doesn't last cause its human nature to alienate and disregard what makes us feel inferior. Running out of patience. Loneliness is also a result from individuals inappropriate thought processes. People associate automatic negative cognitions which generalize each persons brokenness. We don't listen, we act of SCRIPTS. Its tiring. Makes it almost not worth it to pursue relationships. None of it seems real to me anymore."

This was a time of complete desperation. I fell deeply into old coping mechanism and then some, completely questioning my worth, salvation, and purpose. Then Mark stepped in, ready to conquer my heart. Now, I am not the sort of gal who lets others in too easily. I love people, but I do not trust them with my heart. I had no defense in his tactics. He swept me off my feet, and led me into the comfort of God's arms.

What captured my soul, was the way Mark held me, how he touched me, how he spoke to me. As if I could break or some how new I was broken. I am in love with this man, and the woman I am becoming as a result of his love. I feel as if God created a man just for me, to reflect His love and to outpour grace.