I am not a before and after story...

What is most important is not whether we are predisposed to an enslaving habit but whether we are willing to do whatever it takes to bring this “diseased body” habit, or idol, under the control of reason and faith.

Yes, I am this enslaved little one. The thought produces an ache in my heart. I bear the scars of many wayward travels, painful journeys in dark forests. Places where I came to believe no one could rescue me, or no one would want to. For, oh my goodness, if people really knew who I was, what I was like. If people could see all that I lack, or hear my silly mumblings. If people saw this broken and bruised girl, huddled in a pile. Was I worth the effort, the investment? No, I wasn’t not to this world at least. There is only so much man can invest in another before they have to cut you loose. Man does not know how to love without depending on their own strength to tend to the broken. Only one can, and that is God.

He never gave up on me, which is why I am still here today. When I finally stopped running, He was right there, ready to wrap His loving arms around me and carry me back home where I belong. He placed specific people in my life to allow me to stop hiding. To stand out with a light of a microscope over me, allowing my family (Oh how I love you) and sisters (Lisa, Lauren, Caitlyn, Hannah, Lindsay) to lead me.I am a lost girl, but there is a twist to my story. It is not about an unbeliever who finds Jesus after years of wondering and is saved. Because when this story began, I ALREADY KNEW JESUS. I was already SAVED. I still NEED RESCUING!

I NEED MORE, I NEEDED HEALING FOR MY WOUNDS, I NEEDED FORGIVENESS AND GUIDANCE.

And I am not the only one. Most churched I have attended are filled with terrified, wandering little girls. Christian girls who see nothing in their lives but disappointment, rejection, shame, and brokenness. Women who struggle with painful experiences. I am talking about bible believing, born again women.

I understand how these women feel, because I have been where they are. In some ways, I am totally still there. I am a good Christian girl too. I grew up in the church and learned scripture. In fact I am a PK AND A MK. I accepted Christ at 11 and I am attending Dallas BAPTIST University. But my life has been full of pain and sin and shame and BROKENESS. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, etc…my life has been touched, not gently, with the reality of addiction and mental illness. I have known hopelessness to a point I could hardly breathe. There was a time, not too long ago, yikes, that I took steps to end my own life. Not a very Christian way to live? THAT’S EXACTLY MY POINT OF THIS POST!

I WAS A CHRISTIAN IN ALL MY LOST TIMES. And as much as I tried, I could not find my way out, No theoretical approach to my mind helped. I could not get to the place where I could hear the call of forgivenss. A place where my Father saw me, knew me, and embraced me. I place where I could run into His arms and scream at the top of my lungs “ Daddy, I found You.” And he would grasp me tightly and gently whisper, “Baby girl, I have been searching for you.”

In my experience and currently observing others, honesty can be a problem, especially for good Christian girls, because we are used to before and after stories. We are pretty quick to cover up our deeper failings, because we do not know how to handle pain or even because deep down, we are not sure God can really handle who we really are. BUT when we do that, we send a message to those who are hurting, that they are not welcome in our churches and lives. Especially if they are honest and admit they are losing the battle. And when we send this message, even to ourselves, I believe we are actually working against God.

God can work miracles with pain. It is pride and dishonesty and self deseption that slow down His rescue mission. I HAVE CERTAINLY HAVE HAD A HARD TIME WITH THIS.

I once believed that the Christian life was a simple before and after story, like the Disney movies I grew up watching, and believing in Jesus would automatically give me victory. That is false : ). Tenderly and relentlessly, He is pulling down my false idols and reminding me victory over sin is a battle I WILL NEVER WHEN HERE ON EARTH.

Mark here. Responding to Liz's earlier post.

Favorite Beverages
1.) Iced tea w/ Sweet'N Low
2.) Water (not real exciting I know but I drink alot of it)
3.) Fruit Punch

Favorite Food
1.) Seafood
2.) Pizza (not best for me, but that wasn't the question lol)
3.) Burgers (see above)
4.) Mexican (uhh see above again)

Favorite Season
1.) Summer
2.) Christmas (I hate the cold, but I love everything else about Christmas)

Hobbies
1.) Hanging out with Liz
2.) TV
3.) Anything Disney
4.) Video games when I can (Wii & DSi)
5.) Hanging around the mall/mall area with no purpose

Favorite Movies
* Note: I don't watch as many movies as I used to, so this is all off the top of my head and may not be exact lol:
1.) Dumb & Dumber
2.) Tommy Boy
3.) Hackers
4.) Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure
5.) Back to the Future trilogy
6.) Any Star Wars movies
7.) Men in Black 1 & 2
8.) Independence Day
9.) Kill Bill: Vol. 1 & 2
10.) Child's Play movies

Mark out.

And it continues...

Favorite Beverages
1. Sprite
2. Coffee
3. Dr. Pepper
4. Sweet Tea
Favorite Food
1. SEAFOOD
Favorite Season
1. I enjoy all the seasons God created…I really enjoy summer.
Hobbies
1. Reading, I LOVE BOOKS, I want a kindle oh so very much
2. RUNNING 1 Cor. 9:24-27
3. Babysitting…especially the Sisk kiddos and the Kendell girls.
4. Coloring
5. Basketball, Baseball, Football, and Tennis(I am learning how to play),Roller Blading
Favorite Movies
1. Guys and Dolls
2. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
3. Funny Face
4. The Kite Runner
5. Lord of the Rings series
6. Meet Joe Black
7. Invincible
8. Without Limits
9. Rudy
10. DISNEY

Response to Mark:
Favorite news topics:
1.) Sports
2.) Psychology Today
3.) Runners World

Favorite vacation destinations:
1.) EUROPE
2.) Middle East

Favorite websites (quickly off the top of my head):
1.) http://www.facebook.com/
2.) ESPN.com

Favorite Disney characters:
1.) Peter Pan
2.) Chip-the cup in beauty and the beast
3.) Rhino-hamster in Bolt
4.) My fav princess would have to be…Ariel

Places I want to visit but haven't yet:
1.) London
2.) Ireland
3.) Germany

Interesting places I have been to:
1.) China
2.) Guatemala
3.) Costa Rica
4.) Washingto D.C.

Favorite sports teams:
1.) Dallas Cowboys
2.) Texas Rangers
3.) Rough Riders
4.) Texas A&M football and basketball
5.)DUKE basketball
6.)Texas Longhorns (Gods team)

Mark here. Decided to put together a list of some random things about me. Please note these are truly random and follow no logical sequence lol:

Favorite news topics:
1.) Walt Disney World / Disneyland / any Disney park
2.) Disney
3.) Theme Parks
4.) Politics
5.) Showbiz News (not celeb gossip, but more industry stuff such as http://www.deadline.com/)

Favorite vacation destinations:
1.) Walt Disney World
* Uhh not sure after that lol.

Favorite websites (quickly off the top of my head):
1.) http://www.facebook.com/
2.) http://www.twitter.com/
3.) http://www.drudgereport.com/
4.) http://www.deadline.com/
5.) http://www.thewrap.com/
6.) http://www.foxnews.com/
7.) http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/

Favorite Disney characters:
1.) Stitch
2.) Tigger
3.) Pooh
4.) Mickey Mouse
5.) WALL-E

Places I want to visit but haven't yet:
1.) Wales / United Kingdom
2.) Any Disney theme park besides Walt Disney World
3.) Los Angeles
4.) New York City
5.) Australia

Interesting places I have been to:
1.) Israel
2.) Mall of America
3.) Turner Field to see an Atlanta Braves game
4.) Walt Disney World first aid
5.) Mall corridors behind the stores at The Galleria
6.) Ferry from the Seattle area to Victoria, British Columbia

Favorite sports teams:
1.) Dallas Cowboys
2.) Atlanta Braves
3.) Texas Rangers
4.) Frisco Roughriders (minor league baseball)
5.) Dallas Stars
6.) Dallas Mavericks
7.) Texas A&M
8.) Michigan

Well that is all for tonight. Mark out.

plug in head phones to hear clearly

My family

This week has been a tough week. I miss my family oh so very much and got so caught up this week thinking about how much I long for them to be with me. I always had this vision of one day finding a man, marrying that man, having children, and my family along side me. The vision even had the Rockwall setting, with a little home in the Shores, where Lottie and Emma would have slumber party's at my house cause I'm the cool big sister. Lottie and Emma would every now and then come over and confide in me, cause they know, well, I'm Sissy and I would fight and die for them any second of the day. I miss my family. Sometimes I ache for their presence, to hear their laughs, to hear those words I used to dread coming from my fathers mouth, "Elisabeth Ainslee Byrd"!

Today, I received a different vision that overwhelmed me. A vision that can only prosper into reality if I change and stop fearing change. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE ANYMORE. The answer is nothing. When I lose all of this world, I will gain LIFE. A life filled with real love, and passion. I life with a man who delights in me as the Lord does (Mark). I will be a mother who says no more, NO MORE to the bondage thats seems to be generational and eat a big mac at the same time. I'm not done yet. I have a lot to conquer. But I know that my flesh will be conquered,not by my will, but by God's hands.

My family, their winning souls to Christ. What is amazing, is that it took my family to move out of the country for me to experience God. Which has been a painful experience that I feel I would not have, if God did not call my family. All coping mechanisms, and lies, and fears where displayed center stage, with bright lights. THANK GOD. God placing me in isolation has turned into a tremendous blessing. I am learning trust, to love, and most importantly I am learning to be weak. That I am weak. You know what? Thats ok : ).In fact it's glorious, for my weakness will be turned into strength for the glory of God.

Mark here. Sorry for the lack of another blog post this week. I have been busy at work and I know Liz has been busy keeping up with all her school work. Hopefully tonight or this weekend, I will post a recap of the Texas Half marathon Liz ran in (and I tagged along with) last weekend.

Here is a preview pic:

Until then,

Mark out

Little Intro

What's up everybody. Mark here. Liz & I decided to start this blog as a way to document our adventure with each other!

Just a little intro. My story is a little different than Liz's. For me, I think I thought love was out there but I had no idea where (or when). I would go on a date here and there, but nothing serious. Everybody kept saying try dating websites, try this, try that. Something told me those really weren't for me. I was more like "God I am just going to let you find the right one and not put a time limit on it". I, of course, wanted a special someone but knew God could let me happy either way.

Flash forward to January 10. That is when I met Liz in Sunday School. She was there with her brother James. I thought she was cute for sure, but had no initial thoughts of asking her out. Then that afternoon, added her as a friend on Facebook. We started talking on FB, I asked her out, she said yes (woohoo!), and we went out that Saturday night. Going in I had a feeling this one was different, but had no idea it would go so wonderful. Once the date started, it was like we had know each other forever and we were so comfortable. We saw each other at church the next morning...and haven't looked back since!!!!

Flash forward to the present and I am madly in love with Liz. More than I would ever thought possible. I can't imagine life without her. She is amazing in so many ways: Godly, beautiful, funny, quirky, silly, outgoing, caring, full of life, passionate, smart. She is all I could ever hope for in a girlfriend. Two things particular stand out for me (besides the fact she is so dang cute!). One is that she is real. In that I mean, she never tries to pretend to be something else when I am around. She is just herself. Sometimes serious, sometimes dorky, but always Liz.

Second is that she is so loving. I have loved people before, but I have never had a girlfriend be so loving back to me. Liz is more loving than I thought a girlfriend could ever be, She does so many little things (and big things) that tell me she is dedicated heart, mind, and soul to our relationship.

To end this I say this to Liz directly: I love you Liz more than words can say. You have my heart and soul completely in your hands. I thank God everyday for introducing us and cannot wait for the wonderful things God has planned for us. I pray daily that I would be the best boyfriend and do all I can to serve you and make you happy. I love you tons babe!!!

- Mark

Not a moment too Soon

Mark came into my life, not a moment too soon. We met earlier in the past when I was a lot younger, but initially in Sunday School when I got back from Costa Rica. The last few months before I met Mark, I was beginning to fall so deeply into the pit, convinced that "love" did not exist. I quote myself from a note I posted in November out of complete mourning for my hearts condition:

"Can an individual who has no self worth find love and restoration? Heck, the world and society is not going to provide. I am at
this point convinced that love is basically a script. We are conditioned to treat others with "love". BUT doesn't last cause its human nature to alienate and disregard what makes us feel inferior. Running out of patience. Loneliness is also a result from individuals inappropriate thought processes. People associate automatic negative cognitions which generalize each persons brokenness. We don't listen, we act of SCRIPTS. Its tiring. Makes it almost not worth it to pursue relationships. None of it seems real to me anymore."

This was a time of complete desperation. I fell deeply into old coping mechanism and then some, completely questioning my worth, salvation, and purpose. Then Mark stepped in, ready to conquer my heart. Now, I am not the sort of gal who lets others in too easily. I love people, but I do not trust them with my heart. I had no defense in his tactics. He swept me off my feet, and led me into the comfort of God's arms.

What captured my soul, was the way Mark held me, how he touched me, how he spoke to me. As if I could break or some how new I was broken. I am in love with this man, and the woman I am becoming as a result of his love. I feel as if God created a man just for me, to reflect His love and to outpour grace.