I have never taken a test to discover my spiritual gifts. In my opinion, the gifts of the holy spirit are not to be attempted to attain in a singular manner. What I mean is, on our continuous path to transformation, we are to discipline our flesh to all areas: giving, mercy, service etc. I do agree though, that the Lord equips strongly in one which is our motivation within the body of Christ and is strengthened by our disciple to equipped other fruits of the Spirit as we continue to conform our images of Christ.

This week, I am taking a mini term, 1 and 2 Peter and Jude. We took time to focus on spiritual gifts today and took a test. The outcome made me uncomfortable yet gave me insight to what it is I have been struggling with this semester. My results: Prophecy with mercy right behind it by 2 points. As you may suspect, this is abnormal for someone my age who still has so much to grow in. I see the Lord in this. I am having to learn the balance that most don't (or at least this is what I was told, actually was encouraged today by my professor referring to me Jeremiah "the weeping prophet" ).

Now, the struggle. I was not aware of this gift until today, but it certainly fits. I now understand the gift of prophecy. It is to proclaim God's message to a dying world that often does not want to hear it, boldly and without fear. It is also to proclaim God's word to the body of Christ (that often does not want to hear it), again boldly and without fear. Lol I even did this before I knew Truth, in a sense I would boldly speak to people through psychology. Yet it was the softening of my heart which gives me mercy.

Lately, everyone around me seems to cast me out. From what I have been told from the two friends I do have and family, is I expose vulnerability, and people don't like that, so I shouldn't do it. Lol! I must say, this is why I have been in hiding the last couple months. I anger people. This is very hard for me. I LOVE people. I hurt for them and I shout joy with them. Whats worse is when it comes down to a loved sister and God. I of course have ran to God. He has disciplined me to do so. BUT IT HURTS.

I still am in the dark, but I did have an encouraging conversation with my dear friend and mentor Dr. Wallace. To shed some light on the situation I am currently in, I am hated, mocked behind my back with irrational anger all around me Monday through Friday. The glares are certainly interesting lol. So of course, I am timid, full of insecurity, and doubt. It has overflowed into my pursuing of Gods will. She caught that and simply led me to this: to obey. That is all I can do. The rest is not in my control.

Please pray for me as the Lord continues to invest in me. So many times, I feel too weak. I know though, Truth prevails and will be exposed all for His glory. It's not about my comfortability, its about His glorification. Through joy and suffering.

Wordless Wednesday

I miss her most at night

The night is still, the world has slowed down.

The cars are quiet, the kids are silent.

Peace has come upon the night, the day winds down.

Yet in the vast field of night, something is missing.

What is this my heart so desires?

While it is present, it is yet far away.

While it is here, it is absent.

While it is strong, it is yet a whisper in wind.

It is the voice telling my heart, I am here.

It is the invisible touch brushing my shoulder.

It is right beside me, yet unseen.

The thing missing is her.

One mile or forty miles, this shall not matter.

The distance seems like light years.

Yet while she is far, she is near.

She is the invisible smile beside me, the skip in my step.

The lips telling me its ok, we are almost there.

It's the sound of a future mother, the sound of a wife.

The voice of a confidant, the voice of a friend.

The calm to my storm, the up to my down, the wind in my sail.

Yet still I miss her as the evening falls upon this place.

But yet my heart jumps out and says do not fear! These months shall soon be days shall soon be hours. The bridge is shortening, the gap is growing ever smaller. The day shall soon be upon us when two shall become one. There will be no me, no you, just us. Not two halves, but one whole. No more what should I, but what should we. No more self. A new creation better than the parts. Joined by God for a new purpose. A new calling. A new journey. No more chains of distance, no more good-byes, no more until tomorrow. Only today and now! Every minute, every second cherished, loved, embraced.

So therefore thine heart, do not worry. This thing that He has founded & blessed shall not be harmed. Shall not be discouraged. Shall not be feared. For again, who is stronger than He? Tests, trials, distance, roads, miles, loneliness, hurts, tears? Worry not on these things, for they are all under his feet.

So my soul, remember this: even though she is missed in the evening, she is here. She is the presence you feel beside you as you fall into sleep. She is the unseen embrace as you unwind from the day. She is that constant you always feel, but cannot explain. Most importantly, she is the love you feel. The love you sense, the love that bridges the gap between the here and now. The omnipresent love from now until all eternity.

Listen to me, my heart, as you lie down on thy pillow. Let your longing be lifted knowing she is not gone but right here. Right here.

- Mark

1 YEAR!

March second, my one year anniversary. I have been free from a long suffered battle. One year today, I must say, this Love overwhelms me each day. For on this day, I found my flesh weak so that He could say," For in me alone, your strength is found and never again will you declare you are your own."

God spoke to me;a message to me that I couldn't ignore.It was like He was sitting beside me.He breathed into my soul, Answers I needed to behold.

"There are lots of things about my past,too many sins and many regrets."He said, "Just confess and your sins I'll cast
into the sea as far as east to west."

"But first, I need to change my path,before I come and make my plea." He said, "Do you get clean to take a bath?
My blood's enough to set you free!"

"I'd like to change but I don't think I can. I need strength and control.I can't submit to Your Will and my own" And He simply said, " Child you are right.But I'm the Great 'I Am'!
Did I not change water into wine?"

"Today's the day I gave my heart to God because on a cross His Son was offered. I trust in him alone and take Him at his Word. My past and present sins are covered!"

God said to me, "Step from your chair and at the altar kneel at my throne. Do not worry because I'll meet you there
and you'll never again have to walk alone!"

So I stand here now a forgiven woman because at His cross my sins were laid.My God has revealed His master plan
and on that cross my debt was paid.