I Am Drawn To Them

Biology of Belief article:http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1879016,00.html

I read this article in my doctors office when I went to my check up on my knee this week. Reading this article gave me an overwhelming need to shout praises to God. Just a year ago, I would have read this article, and supported it 100%, forgetting all I was taught and raised up by a godly family to believe. As I am typing, with tears flowing, I am so humbled that Truth screamed victorious over my sinful pursuit to validation. And it breaks my heart as I continue to study psychology,to see these individuals come so close to Truth, but still blind. I ache for them to see Him because I remember. I remember the frustration, loss of hope, loneliness, and ANGER I felt so deeply within the core of my soul as I searched within myself. A search that I could not find rest, until I fell hard into His arms. I ache. I cry for them. Knowing what God has done, and learning each day, I know I have a responsibility to scream His Truth in the midst of the lies I once held as truth, so others will know Truth. Please pray for me as I continue to" listen for God to say go, hold back,love them, hold them, let go, leave them to Me" (Hannah) and eventually, I pray, well done.

This Semester

It has been a crazy couple of months.Notice the empty blog. Some may know of the pain of not being able to be by the love of your life daily. So you may be able to sympathize. Every day, I get caught up in my school work and ministry.Though lately, my ministry is purely online with girls all over the world with eating disorders. Hardest thing EVER to communicate through facebook, and not be able to hold them. All of this is done with a sense that something is missing. That something is my sweet Mark. He has been my encourager this semester. When I feel defeated, he boldly speaks Truth and fights the enemy alongside me. When I fear, He holds me tighter and says nothing but in silence the prayers in His heart. When I gain victory, He points me to the Lord.

It is so hard to be apart. I physically ache at points in the day in longing for him to be with me. Oh how I love him. After Thanksgiving, I went back to school to work on some stuff. Three hours after I had been there, I finally got back in my car and drove to him so I could be in his arms a little longer. Irrational? Yeah a little, but that’s what Mark does to me. For so many years, I have studied and disciplined myself to analyze all thoughts and actions. I tried with all my being to isolate all that was irrational and eliminate it, equipping myself to grow to a complete rationale being. The process hardened me. I began to see myself like a machine, rather than a human being with emotions. God has used mark in my life as an instrument to reprogram and rebute. From day one, my heart became transformed with the image of Christ in him. I saw His Love and Grace and I will never be the same. I love deeper and cry harder, and it’s good. I am alive and renewed and ready to walk down the aisle in complete vulnerability within the arms of my sweet Mark. Ready to say I do to all things ahead, becoming one, and proclaiming Christ to the end of our days.