The Byrd Caught the Swof

The 'Gate Keeper' :Last Nights Beauty in the Dark

2011-04-27T20:49:00.004-05:00

So I went on a coffee run for my friend Ashley and I tonight around 2:30, in the darkest of nights. I got back on campus, and stopped to give the security my ID, we fellow shipped for a bit. We started with his schedule, because he is the man that is always guarding the gates after curfew (yes I am out after curfew a lot). He shared with me why he loved his job, because the long hours seem so rough to me. Heck its 3:20, pulling an all-nighter (probably should be working on my stuff and not this note, but I had to let it out how amazing this man is, and how safe I feel tonight). He explained his calling came biblically, he felt called to be 'a gate keeper', to protect us students from what goes on outside our gates. Now I knew that drug deals happened down by the boat docks, but he shared more with me (shootings, car fires etc.). This scared me a bit; especially because I gave a man a ride to a bus stop that was walking from community service off parole on that same street. (yeah I’m in trouble I know with my daddy and bubba).

This semester, I have been trying to catch what goes on under those dangling shoes on the wire across my campus, the campus that I love so much, where I found God, full of people that led me to God, and those people- I would do anything to protect. Every day, I go off campus a few times, and try to record/catch the deals that are made so I can take it to the police right down the road. I have re-thought my methods of fighting the Drug War. It has just bothered me so much, and I wanted to fight what my parents are fighting daily by bringing Truth to the people of Mexico. After all, that is the danger they face every day, and I felt I was protecting them as well in a small way (very small way). But if you are a missionary kid, you understand what it’s like to be so far away from the people you love the most, which face dangers and heartache, but you have no control or way of preventing that harm upon them. The small things that you can control and prevent, you have to grab those. You have to in order to get sleep and to go through your day knowing you are fighting with them in some way instead of feeling absent and non-influential within their lives.

I shared that with him, and he looked at me with such intensity (much like my Grandpa who was in the force) and said that he will take care of it, he will protect the gates of the school and the people I love so much, of me, and he will take care of those dangling shoes. I have not felt such peace all semester. It got me thinking of where I was last semester, and where I’m at now. I came so far but got caught in this mindset again: control ( and no I’m not acting on past coping behaviors, I know that’s the thought, I’m just talking about the mindset) and it began to trigger me.I think it began not too long after I gave my testimony for the first time. I don’t think Satan liked that and almost felt immediately like I stepped into a war zone. Since that night, the nightmares have become insane regarding my family, and the girls I minister within pro-Ana. It began to eat at my flesh and emaciated my Spirit. Most of the semester, I had to delete my Facebook to escape the crippling spirit a began to develop. I couldn’t control their choices, I couldn’t save them.

Again, there it is, I tried to control what was God's, not mine. My family, that is in God’s control, the pro-Ana’s, that is in God's control, my future, again, that is God's. After my conversation with Mr. David, security guard- DBU's 'Gate Keeper'- I felt an overwhelming spirit being released from my heart. I surrendered. Lol , it seems since a little over a year ago, there is always something throughout the day,a discovery about myself or others around me, that I just place at His feet.Obviously though, He is still transforming me. My nature is weak.The moment I taste victory and claim it of my strength and will, I seem to fall into the same place. EVERY TIME. Though this time was much easier with the living word continually breathing encouragement, and love into me. No Lifetime movie to made this time (ha see how a make jokes...i hate lifetime, some ones always getting raped or overcoming the difficult circumstances of their environment, blah). Anyways...

I can't protect my family, I can’t fix the the Drug War, I can't transform the hearts of the pro-Ana’s, and that’s the way it's supposed to be. So that man kind can't say, look what I have done, but instead look what God has done. In that, victory and the glory of God is proclaimed. Oh how beautiful His ways are than mine!

God is my Gate-Keeper. He will protect his Will. No matter what, I will be obedient to that Will that gave me victory. I am so blessed by meeting Mr. David. I feel safe, and at rest that God has sent such a man, so that my heart could be at peace in the darkest of nights.

2011-03-16T22:32:00.000-05:00

I have never taken a test to discover my spiritual gifts. In my opinion, the gifts of the holy spirit are not to be attempted to attain in a singular manner. What I mean is, on our continuous path to transformation, we are to discipline our flesh to all areas: giving, mercy, service etc. I do agree though, that the Lord equips strongly in one which is our motivation within the body of Christ and is strengthened by our disciple to equipped other fruits of the Spirit as we continue to conform our images of Christ.

This week, I am taking a mini term, 1 and 2 Peter and Jude. We took time to focus on spiritual gifts today and took a test. The outcome made me uncomfortable yet gave me insight to what it is I have been struggling with this semester. My results: Prophecy with mercy right behind it by 2 points. As you may suspect, this is abnormal for someone my age who still has so much to grow in. I see the Lord in this. I am having to learn the balance that most don't (or at least this is what I was told, actually was encouraged today by my professor referring to me Jeremiah "the weeping prophet" ).

Now, the struggle. I was not aware of this gift until today, but it certainly fits. I now understand the gift of prophecy. It is to proclaim God's message to a dying world that often does not want to hear it, boldly and without fear. It is also to proclaim God's word to the body of Christ (that often does not want to hear it), again boldly and without fear. Lol I even did this before I knew Truth, in a sense I would boldly speak to people through psychology. Yet it was the softening of my heart which gives me mercy.

Lately, everyone around me seems to cast me out. From what I have been told from the two friends I do have and family, is I expose vulnerability, and people don't like that, so I shouldn't do it. Lol! I must say, this is why I have been in hiding the last couple months. I anger people. This is very hard for me. I LOVE people. I hurt for them and I shout joy with them. Whats worse is when it comes down to a loved sister and God. I of course have ran to God. He has disciplined me to do so. BUT IT HURTS.

I still am in the dark, but I did have an encouraging conversation with my dear friend and mentor Dr. Wallace. To shed some light on the situation I am currently in, I am hated, mocked behind my back with irrational anger all around me Monday through Friday. The glares are certainly interesting lol. So of course, I am timid, full of insecurity, and doubt. It has overflowed into my pursuing of Gods will. She caught that and simply led me to this: to obey. That is all I can do. The rest is not in my control.

Please pray for me as the Lord continues to invest in me. So many times, I feel too weak. I know though, Truth prevails and will be exposed all for His glory. It's not about my comfortability, its about His glorification. Through joy and suffering.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-09T00:56:00.001-06:00

I miss her most at night

2011-03-03T14:43:00.000-06:00

The night is still, the world has slowed down.

The cars are quiet, the kids are silent.

Peace has come upon the night, the day winds down.

Yet in the vast field of night, something is missing.

What is this my heart so desires?

While it is present, it is yet far away.

While it is here, it is absent.

While it is strong, it is yet a whisper in wind.

It is the voice telling my heart, I am here.

It is the invisible touch brushing my shoulder.

It is right beside me, yet unseen.

The thing missing is her.

One mile or forty miles, this shall not matter.

The distance seems like light years.

Yet while she is far, she is near.

She is the invisible smile beside me, the skip in my step.

The lips telling me its ok, we are almost there.

It's the sound of a future mother, the sound of a wife.

The voice of a confidant, the voice of a friend.

The calm to my storm, the up to my down, the wind in my sail.

Yet still I miss her as the evening falls upon this place.

But yet my heart jumps out and says do not fear! These months shall soon be days shall soon be hours. The bridge is shortening, the gap is growing ever smaller. The day shall soon be upon us when two shall become one. There will be no me, no you, just us. Not two halves, but one whole. No more what should I, but what should we. No more self. A new creation better than the parts. Joined by God for a new purpose. A new calling. A new journey. No more chains of distance, no more good-byes, no more until tomorrow. Only today and now! Every minute, every second cherished, loved, embraced.

So therefore thine heart, do not worry. This thing that He has founded & blessed shall not be harmed. Shall not be discouraged. Shall not be feared. For again, who is stronger than He? Tests, trials, distance, roads, miles, loneliness, hurts, tears? Worry not on these things, for they are all under his feet.

So my soul, remember this: even though she is missed in the evening, she is here. She is the presence you feel beside you as you fall into sleep. She is the unseen embrace as you unwind from the day. She is that constant you always feel, but cannot explain. Most importantly, she is the love you feel. The love you sense, the love that bridges the gap between the here and now. The omnipresent love from now until all eternity.

Listen to me, my heart, as you lie down on thy pillow. Let your longing be lifted knowing she is not gone but right here. Right here.

- Mark

1 YEAR!

2011-03-03T00:42:00.000-06:00

March second, my one year anniversary. I have been free from a long suffered battle. One year today, I must say, this Love overwhelms me each day. For on this day, I found my flesh weak so that He could say," For in me alone, your strength is found and never again will you declare you are your own."

God spoke to me;a message to me that I couldn't ignore.It was like He was sitting beside me.He breathed into my soul, Answers I needed to behold.

"There are lots of things about my past,too many sins and many regrets."He said, "Just confess and your sins I'll cast
into the sea as far as east to west."

"But first, I need to change my path,before I come and make my plea." He said, "Do you get clean to take a bath?
My blood's enough to set you free!"

"I'd like to change but I don't think I can. I need strength and control.I can't submit to Your Will and my own" And He simply said, " Child you are right.But I'm the Great 'I Am'!
Did I not change water into wine?"

"Today's the day I gave my heart to God because on a cross His Son was offered. I trust in him alone and take Him at his Word. My past and present sins are covered!"

God said to me, "Step from your chair and at the altar kneel at my throne. Do not worry because I'll meet you there
and you'll never again have to walk alone!"

So I stand here now a forgiven woman because at His cross my sins were laid.My God has revealed His master plan
and on that cross my debt was paid.

Your Indescribable, You Are Amazing God!

2011-02-19T10:46:00.000-06:00

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming!

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
And You know them by name
You are amazing, God!

All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees
As we humbly proclaim
You are amazing, God!
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet, conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom!
Incomparable, unchangeable

You see the depths of my heart
And You love me the same
You are amazing, God
You are amazing, God

My Sisters Lauren and Lisa

2011-02-06T15:03:00.000-06:00

Something brought you to my mind today/I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh.

And yet I feel like it's ok to cry with you/Something about just being with you that/When I leave I feel like I've been with God/And that's the way it ought to be.
Cause you've been more than a friend to me/You fight off my enemies/Cause you have spoken the truth over my life/And you'll never know what it means to me/Just to know you've been on your knees for meYou had faith when I had none/You prayed God would bring me a brand new song/When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing/And all the while I've been hoping that I'll do/ The kind of praying for you that you've done for me/and that's the way it outght to be.
You have carried me/You have taken on a burden/that wasn't your own/may that blessing return to you/A hundredfold/Oh, you have blessed my life/more than you'll ever know/Oh, more than you'll ever know

My Precious Sisters, What I Would Say

2011-01-25T19:25:00.000-06:00

Fear Takes Over

2011-01-15T23:53:00.000-06:00

It has been an emotional week for me. I came home from Mexico with a heavy heart to bring to the Lord. Each loved one in my family is going through hardships and daily battles with the enemy that I was completely unaware of until my last week spent with my family. My flesh has a nature, has a tendency to search for rationalization and to restore pain through my will/control.I have been disciplined by the Lord to recognize this tendency, yet I at times forget and the enemy creeps in. Fear takes over.

The last three days have been spent at my Aunts with my family, including my daddy. He flew in with the news that the woman to whom with the strength and love of God, who shaped each individual in my family, is slowly passing away. Most likely she may not make it through the night. Today, I sneaked away with my Aunt and future mother in law, and we tried on the wedding dress. I'm glad there was a curtain because there was a moment I lost control. All these emotions crept up on me and fear took over me.

I fear for my babies. Will Lottie find her strength in God, or continue to seek control in her behaviors as her sister? Does Emma know how much I love her and that she is MINE, My Baby sister, mommy and daddy's baby girl and always will be? Will their lives be protected in Mexico City? Will my mommy's heart continue to break and lose it's precious innocence it always held? Will daddy be the leader to God's arms they need? Will everything be ok?Will new found Love continue to strengthen me, or will I fall? Fear has taken over.

My mommy sent me a note my brother sent to me on his blog when I left for DBU four years ago, oh how scared I was. It overwhelms me to think of all that has happened in the last 4 years. This was it:

Bucket starts at DBU today! She is now officially a patriot. I think some advice for my baby sister is needed:

1. Do not pull all nighters! This is the best advice I can give you. Study during the day while you are fresh. Since you do not have a 9:00-5:00, there is no need to study past 10:00. Although sometimes you might need to.

2. Don't freak out at midterms!

3. Don't make fun of the emo kids. I know, I know, it is soooo tempting, but just try to be nice. Especially to the philosophy majors. They act like they have cracked the code of life, but really it is all common sense.

4. Call me if you need anything!

5. Be a dork and write your name with all of the professional specifications that you want and degrees like I did at the beginning of the post. It's fun. Just don't tell anyone...oh, oops =D

Take some names, Bucket! Take that athletic drive and strength from competition and take no prisoners! WHAT TIME IS IT?!?!? GAME TIME!!

Weakens me to think of all the "one year since's" coming up to celebrate in the next few months in comparison to even my first arrival at DBU:

Tomorrow, is mine and Mark's one year anniversary
February, I found the Lord. lol more like He found me. The moment, EXACT moment I felt His Spirit and accepted His Truth, I have been restored. I began a journey of complete restoration.
March 2nd, was day one. It will be one year since I was just a little girl, that I have been free from my eating disorder.

I am reminded by my reminiscence today. I have nothing to fear. It is impossible for me to forget what the Lord has done in my heart. I have complete Trust in His Will. In the end, I will declare my story, His Love, His plan...PERFECT. I will bow before Him and declare His glory over my flesh,my soul. I will cast all His perfect works in crowns before Him and as my past idols burn beneath my feet, I will continue to glorify Him. I deserved the fires of hell, but He held me, and pulled me out of the pit of fire I continuously jumped into. Oh how I praise Him and long to hold tighter to His Love.

The Lord is in control of my family, my heart, even that first day at DBU up till now...Peace takes over. I know His work is beautiful, and it will be a masterpiece.

Goodbye fear.

2011 Plans

2011-01-11T21:11:00.000-06:00

My 2011 To Do: Basically WEDDING PLANS

1. To be more vulnerable in my love's arms. I still often struggle with this concept in the Lord's arms at times. I no longer see it as weakness, but I am so conditioned to stiffen and pull away into myself. When I came home from Mexico, my heart was so heavy, and I pushed love away. I cant do this to my sweet Mark and I know if I bring this to the Lord's altar, He will continue to bring down my walls. I have full confidence He is continuously healing my heart, and disciplining my mind.

2. Focus on career options for when I graduate next December: CPS, I would love to teach Psychology...i would love to get my Masters in counseling, but I don't know financially,Lots of choices but those are the main ones. Any suggestions? I'm taking them.

3. Kick of my ministry Mind vs Flesh

4. Really excited about leading a study, Spiritual Warfare, through THREAD(womens ministry)

5.Couples Counseling with my sweet Mark

6. Gain 10 pounds(its harder than you think)

7. Go visit my family in Mexico for a few weeks this summer.

8. Plan a wedding!

Im sure this is going to grow! yay!

I Am Drawn To Them

2010-12-05T16:00:00.001-06:00

Biology of Belief article:http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1879016,00.html

I read this article in my doctors office when I went to my check up on my knee this week. Reading this article gave me an overwhelming need to shout praises to God. Just a year ago, I would have read this article, and supported it 100%, forgetting all I was taught and raised up by a godly family to believe. As I am typing, with tears flowing, I am so humbled that Truth screamed victorious over my sinful pursuit to validation. And it breaks my heart as I continue to study psychology,to see these individuals come so close to Truth, but still blind. I ache for them to see Him because I remember. I remember the frustration, loss of hope, loneliness, and ANGER I felt so deeply within the core of my soul as I searched within myself. A search that I could not find rest, until I fell hard into His arms. I ache. I cry for them. Knowing what God has done, and learning each day, I know I have a responsibility to scream His Truth in the midst of the lies I once held as truth, so others will know Truth. Please pray for me as I continue to" listen for God to say go, hold back,love them, hold them, let go, leave them to Me" (Hannah) and eventually, I pray, well done.

This Semester

2010-12-03T10:35:00.000-06:00

It has been a crazy couple of months.Notice the empty blog. Some may know of the pain of not being able to be by the love of your life daily. So you may be able to sympathize. Every day, I get caught up in my school work and ministry.Though lately, my ministry is purely online with girls all over the world with eating disorders. Hardest thing EVER to communicate through facebook, and not be able to hold them. All of this is done with a sense that something is missing. That something is my sweet Mark. He has been my encourager this semester. When I feel defeated, he boldly speaks Truth and fights the enemy alongside me. When I fear, He holds me tighter and says nothing but in silence the prayers in His heart. When I gain victory, He points me to the Lord.

It is so hard to be apart. I physically ache at points in the day in longing for him to be with me. Oh how I love him. After Thanksgiving, I went back to school to work on some stuff. Three hours after I had been there, I finally got back in my car and drove to him so I could be in his arms a little longer. Irrational? Yeah a little, but that’s what Mark does to me. For so many years, I have studied and disciplined myself to analyze all thoughts and actions. I tried with all my being to isolate all that was irrational and eliminate it, equipping myself to grow to a complete rationale being. The process hardened me. I began to see myself like a machine, rather than a human being with emotions. God has used mark in my life as an instrument to reprogram and rebute. From day one, my heart became transformed with the image of Christ in him. I saw His Love and Grace and I will never be the same. I love deeper and cry harder, and it’s good. I am alive and renewed and ready to walk down the aisle in complete vulnerability within the arms of my sweet Mark. Ready to say I do to all things ahead, becoming one, and proclaiming Christ to the end of our days.

Our engagement story

2010-07-02T12:50:00.000-05:00

Mark here. Been a week since the big news so I figured it is about time to tell the story of our engagement!

Liz & I have discussed it before, so I had been looking for a good day to do it. After a couple of weekends didn't work out for various reasons, I decided last Friday (6/25) was the day! I started things in motion by calling her family on Tuesday night (6/22). I admit that was a little nerve wracking. There was no reason for it to be since I get along with all her family great and they love me....but still it is a pretty big question lol. So I talked with her Dad for about 20 minutes. After the first minute or so, the nerves were pretty much gone and it was all good. Great chat.

Then I called my folks. They were surprised, but in a good way. Then that was it. I told one friend the next day, but otherwise I kept it on the down low.

Flash forward to Friday. My plan during the week was to go over her place like normal, eat dinner out, and then propose after that. I was going to do it after dinner for two reasons: to be romantic and (most importantly) so it wouldn't be so hot lol. However when I noticed the temperature was only going to be in the low 80s that evening, I decided to do it before we ate dinner. I left work early, chilled at my folks' for a few until she was done babysitting, and then headed that way. Earlier in the day, I texted her and asked her if we could walk around down by the lake. I said we could walk for a few minutes before heading out. I said it was because I was tired and I needed to wake up. This was true, but obviously not the real reason hehe. So when I got there, I asked her if we could go on down there. She first thought that I meant The Harbor in Rockwall. I said nope and she was still good with it. Phew! So we started walking down to the lake.

Side note: I picked the lake to propose because when we were walking down there after one of our first dates, she said it was one of her favorite places. From that moment, I always knew it would be the place.

So back to the walk down to the lake. As we were walking and talking, I kept looking over at her to see if she was catching on to what I was doing. It appeared I was getting away with my surprise! We walked through a grass field and then to the walkway down by the marina. After a few minutes, we got to near the end of the walkway and a little part of the land that goes out into the lake (i.e. her favorite place). We talked for a second and then she mentioned us coming out here on one of our first dates. After that, I spun her around (Liz had to remind me of this, I don't even remember I did that lol) and then I said "Speaking of that, close your eyes". She did, I got down on one knee with the ring in a little glass slipper, said my thing and she said yes! I knew from the look in her eyes she was totally surprised, so this made me double happy : )

From there, we walked back and then went off to Chili's to celebrate. We picked there because that is where we had our first date.

So there you go! I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I am super excited. I love you Liz!!!!

P.S. The pic below is our 1st pic after I proposed. Liz's next door neighbor took it with my cell phone.

Engaged!

2010-06-28T12:10:00.001-05:00

Big news.....we are engaged!! More details later this week. Swof out.

Broke Again

2010-05-27T22:07:00.000-05:00

This is completely random to my family and Mark, because I have kept trying to forget the hurtful words said to me this past year. Really it was at one time from multiple people, but now of course I question anyones sincerity. I have decided tonight, to move on. No more will I mourn over those hurtful relationships. The assumption that I am selfish and an attention seeker from what I have been through makes me sick. Not just because these words were from individuals I thought cared about me, but the fact that they most likely have these assumptions about anyone who struggles with anything they lack the maturity and insight to understand.

I give and give and give room for the people I love to grow and change and endure hardships. But not me, why I am I not allowed to be human? I'm sick of people, yet I cant help loving them. I hurt for them. But I just cant trust them anymore. I have Christ, Mark (the love of my life), and my family. Im good. I dont need fake love. I dont need people to ask me how I am and not really care, I dont need to be said hello to, if there is no worth of me in the individuals eyes. That is why I got rid of facebook. My love ones talk to me outside of that dimension. I dont want the others.

Conversation at Starbucks

2010-05-18T14:28:00.000-05:00

This morning, I ran into my fifth grade teacher at Starbucks. Instead of running off to our list of things to do, we sat and chatted for bit. My favorite part of this conversation went like this:

Mrs. Ash: Im so proud of you, not surprised at all.

Me: awkward smile

Mrs. Ash: You are the strongest most hard headed child I have ever taught. I hope you held on to that. I punished you for it, yet never meant to take that away from you, only meant to help you direct it.

Me: lol...smiled

Mrs.Ash: Do you still run

Me: everyday, I have to.

Mrs.Ash:I remember at recess, you would run around the playground doing laps, you always did this on your quiet days, days you also did not eat lunch. I even talked to your father about it, because I saw something there. You were a very abnormal fifth grader.

Me:yeah...something. That will you speak of, is very strong. Running is more to me than most. Its my mind controlling my flesh. God has taught me to beat me body into submission to His will. Not mine.

Ash: Your passion still gives me chills. Again, you are the strongest willed child, now a woman. Elisabeth God has a will for you.

Me: smile and teared up.

My Mommy

2010-05-10T13:01:00.000-05:00

Oh how I love my mommy! Mothers day was a weepy day, like most of the holidays this past year. At some points throughout this past year, I have longed for one family member more than the other. Certain scenarios stimulate different needs and desires which my loving family each meet differently. My father, makes me strong. I'm a fighter today, because he fought so hard for me. My brother brings wisdom and laughter into everything. James leads me and always has, being my big brother and all.WWJD, what would James do. This is not an easy task to accomplish if you know my personality. It is said I am stubborn and extremely strong willed. But it is the stubborn personality and strong will that saved my life. My little sisters, bring such a hope into my life. They have both been through so much in their little life, yet love so passionately.

My mommy, is the love, joy, peace, and understanding I long for in my future. There are lots of sweet young and old women I have met in my life. Some that have the chance to become self-actualized. None are as purely sweet, loving, and naive, lol, as my mommy. Most adorable woman you will meet in this life.

Our relationship can be seen as a battle. From day one, my mother fought for me. She had four miss carriages before me, yes I am a miracle, permission to be impressed : ). Growing up, I was so strong willed, that if she spanked me as hard as she could, I would look at her, smile and say that didn't hurt, though it did, daring her to try again. As I grew, the battle reached it's climax.Satan broke my will, and I was falling fast. My mommy, with her wisdom and love of Christ, broke through Satan's stronghold, and led me to the loving embrace of my Father. This past year, there has been definite battle of will. I had one side telling me one thing, my family telling me another, and Satan telling lies of both of them. God I could no longer hear. My mommy stepped in between them all and reminded me of the will God gave me. She always reminds me.

I love my mommy oh so very much, and miss her. But I have never been more proud of her.

I'm back!

2010-04-20T20:38:00.001-05:00

Mark here. Just a short blog post to let you know I am indeed alive lol. Been a crazy few months and a super crazy last few weeks. Always busy during filing season, but especially this year with a new client. Filing season is not done yet, but it has slowed down a little.

Besides that, nothing too crazy going on. Just spending every possible free moment with Liz!! Ohh do I love her so much : ) That 100 things list she made - wow! I feel so humbled. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful girlfriend who is infinitely loving, beautiful, and simply amazing. I will be making my own 100 things list soon so I don't want to say too much more for now ; )

On another random note, I got a new phone! Well a replacement phone when mine stopped working lol. Here it is:

Well I am out of here for now. Longer post to come later. Swof out.

100 REASONS WHY I LOVE HIM!

2010-04-07T17:05:00.000-05:00

1. He loves me so dearly more than anything.
2. He is my best friend, my alter ego
3. He is the one I dreamed of every night and think about each day.
4. He is truly a gift from God.
5. He has shown me my true self.
6. He is CUTE!!
7. He’s so proud of me.
8. He is a God fearing person that has a strong faith.
9. He will be a wonderful dad.
10. He respects me.
11. He is a true person.
12. He loves me without even thinking about it.
13. He believes in my talents.
14.He wants to read more about my struggles so he can be there for me and support me
15. He will follow me anywhere to make sure I am alright.
16. He always sends I love you messages everyday.
17. He loves to surprise me.
18. He loves me without make-up.
19. He lives everyday as if it is his last on earth to the fullest.
20. He has a very forgiving heart.
21. He is romantic.
22. He always makes me feel like a princess.
23. He never gives up on me.
24. He wishes to stay home with me 24 hous 7 days a week..
25. He has an awesome sense of humor.
26. He makes me laugh.
27. He holds the key to my heart.
28. He knows almost everything.
29. He sings beautifully.
30. He is the most intelligent man I have ever met.
31. He wants to grow old with me.
32. He will stand in the freezing cold and cheer me on in a half-marathon
33. He laughs at my corny jokes and funny moves.
34. He is a wonderful teacher of life.
35. He is so affectionate.
36. He has reachable goals in life.
37. He will give me anything I ask.
38. His eyes and his lips.
39. He gets along with my family and friends.
40. He keeps my deepest secret.
41. He makes sure I have everything I need
42. He takes complete care of me when I am sick.
43. He says the cutest things over and over and it never gets old.
44. He has great family values.
45. His natural smell.
46. He is a computer genius. Super!!!
47. He naturally smiles. Seriously, he does not know it, but he is always smiling.
48. He will cheer for my favorite team, just to make me smile.
49. He is an Aggie!
50. He can finish my sentences and somehow know what I was going to say
51. He is not embarrassed to call me pet names in front of others.
52. He calls me just to say I love you and how I am.
53. He isn’t afraid to tell me his feelings.
54. He isn’t ashamed to cry in front of me
55. He teaches me everything about computer and gadgets
56. He loves his family with a great deal of passion.
57. He pampers me.
58. He loves me in my most un lady like moments.
59. He is my strength and my weakness.
60. He saved me just before I crossed the line.
61. He is my inspiration.
62. He strokes my hair as I nap
63. He is my hero.
64. He is my stress ball.
65. He is my soul mate.
66. He can not stand silence…so cute.
67. His random noises

68. I feel safe in his arms.
69. His passion
70. How he holds me and leads me in crowds.71. I can be myself whenever I am with him.
72. I love the way he says baby to me.
73. I love the look in his eyes when he says “I Love You”.
74. I love laying my head on his bare chest and feeling his heart beat.
75. I still get butterflies when he kisses me.
76. I love to watch him sleep.
77. I love the way he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.
78. I love the way he acts like my doctor
79. I love his voice over the phone.
80. I love his 5′10″ height
81. I love that he demands respect but isn’t controlling.
82. I love it when sings and dedicate it to me of course.
83. I love the way our bodies fit together when we dance.
84. I love the way he talks about our past years like it was yesterday.
85. I love how he wants to make up after a fight.
86. We can talk without speaking.
87. We can glance at each other from across the room and know what each other is thinking.
88. We plan our future together.
89. How he forgives me over and over when I do something wrong.
90. How he always puts me before himself.
91. How he isn’t afraid to speak his mind.
92. How he makes me feel when I think I am nothing.
93. He accepts Hanson as a part of our relationship...mmmbop
94. The way he holds my hands.
95. Listening to his stories of life.
96. The way he explains when I really don’t understand something.
97. Every time he looks at me my heart skips a beat.
98. Because he looks at me when he thinks I am not looking.
99. Because he protects me in any ways.
100.I know that if I die today I will see him again in Heaven and my life was better because of him.

2010-03-16T22:15:00.000-05:00

Mark here. Been a few weeks since my last post. I have been busy at work etc.

Wanted to make a quick entry to mention that today is Liz and I's two month anniversary. Yay!! I will write a longer post later but needless to say, it has been an amazing two months! I have experienced a joy I never thought possible with a girlfriend. I love you Liz so much!!!!

That is all for now. More later this week. Swof out.

MmmBop

2010-03-09T11:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was looking through youtube for the old old songs that I used to listen to when I was in primary school… best-ness…

Among others there is one particular singer I will never forget…That’s Jordan Taylor Hanson… more known as Taylor, the middle sibling of the band Hanson. And of course, my favorite. When I was younger, I daydreamed about us Mmmboping through life together. But God had different plans for me. There is no one I would rather Mmmbop with than Mark Swofford. Taylor felt the same, got married and has four kids already (all with weird names by the way). It all worked out : )

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
And they're gone so fast
So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

Chorus:
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du

Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows

In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
Until you lose your hair. But you don't care.

Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me if it's going to be a daisy or a rose?
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.

What I am thankful for

2010-03-02T23:35:00.000-06:00

Mark here. Was trying to think of a blog topic and then I suddenly starting feeling really blessed. I thought: I should talk about all the things I am thankful / blessed to have. Good sometimes to just sit back and realize how much God has blessed us.
So here is a list of things I am thankful for:

Jesus Christ - First off, Jesus Christ, God, and the Holy Spirit. Without him, my life would not be the same. I try everyday to put him first in my life, and am thankful that he forgives me when I fail at that task many a time. Quite often as a Christian, we fail him & fall on our face. This happens more than we like to admit. But the reason God is #1 is that everytime we fall into that pit, we can know that as we look up his hand is always there to pick us back up. As my Sunday School teacher reminded us recently, nothing we can do will make him love us any less or more. From the moment we are saved, from that day forward, we can receive his full and wonderful love everyday. Praise be to him!

Liz - A new addition to the list but wow what an addition! I love this girl with all my heart and mind, and now I can't imagine life with her. She is my rock and my constant from day to day. She is the most amazing, beautiful, sweet, caring, loving, smart girlfriend I could ask for and is better than I could ever imagine is possible. Will expand on Liz in a future post to come soon....because otherwise this section would be really, really long : )

My family - All my family is amazing but this goes out especially to Mom, Dad, Tim, and Nikki. I love you guys more than I can ever express. I have gotten so used to having such a great family....that I forget not everyone has such good luck. They have been there through the good and bad (and good and bad jokes lol), and I am so grateful for them. As I think on this, sending special prayers out to those whose family situations are not so great and praying God puts a special hand on those people.

Friends - To all my friends, I am so grateful for being with me for the laughing and the crying....and the craziness and stupidity lol. From the friends I've had since high school, to my church friends, to work friends, to new friends, to Facebook/Twitter friends even! Everyone has meant something to me in their own special way, and I am so thankful for all of them. Wouldn't trade them for anything!

The Byrd family - Even though I have know them only a short time, they have been a blessing in my life. And this even though I have only met 4 out of the 6 on Skype lol. (James & Liz are the lucky in person members!) I can see the love of family and the love of the Lord in their lives, and can't wait to meet the Greg, Kim, Lottie, and Emma in real life someday soon!

America - I think people, like myself, who have lived in the USA their whole life forget how great we have it. Are we are a perfect country? Of course not. But I love this country and don't have any urge to leave. I heard Rush Limbaugh say once that can you think of many other country that has only been around 230 years....and risen to such a position as ours. Does that mean other nations are bad or that you can't live wonderful lives in another country? Again of course not. But for me, I am proud to be an American! As an American, I love our Constitution, Bill of Rights, democracy, freedom (religion, speech), voting, political discourse, and natural beauty. I'm sure I am forgetting some things, but those are some reasons.

Church - I am so grateful for First Baptist, the worship experienced there, and all the people I have met throughout the years. From friends to Sunday School teachers to just random church members....and of course the love of my life, Liz : ). I have been in different classes with different teachers and all have blessed me in their own unique way. Each and every service, worship time, musical etc is a gift from God. And also to the churches I have visited over the years, thank you for your blessings of worship.

And for now for some things I am thankful for that are little more light hearted:
Disney & Walt Disney World - How can you not love Disney World?!
Disney fan community - From websites, to podcasts, to books, to magazines...all informative and some of the nicest people you will meet in the online universe.
TV - While I understand how it has led to less exercise, less social interaction etc....man there are some good shows!
Sports - Something to watch/experience that requires no thought if you so desire.
Free roads - I have to take two toll roads to get into Rockwall. Weak.
Air conditioning - Two words: Texas summer

That's all I got for now. Hope you enjoy. Swof out.

God's Will vs Mine

2010-03-01T15:40:00.000-06:00

I was raised to be strong. I was raised to follow a strong Lord. Off on my own though, I have trailed on a path that has led me to be in a continuous battle with my flesh. I woke up around 4 this morning, and have been searching for versus to battle my will. I need to redirect my strong will to the course God has predestined me to follow. The spirit led me till two this afternoon, to these verses of truth that I have read before, and are even highlighted in my bible. My struggles are not a matter of ignorance, but the lack of ability for me to release control. Here they are:

· "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.'" John 14:6

· "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord.
'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

· "Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways." Psalm 128:1

· "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matthew 7:13-14

· "... whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father...." Mark 8:36-38

· "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

· "You meet him who rejoices and does righteousness, who remembers You in Your ways." Isaiah 64:5

· "But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and does according to all the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live? All the righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; because of the unfaithfulness of which he is guilty and the sin which he has committed, because of them he shall die.
"Yet you say, ‘The way of the Lord is not fair.’ Hear now, O house of Israel, is it not My way which is fair, and your ways which are not fair? When a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity, and dies in it, it is because of the iniquity which he has done that he dies. Again, when a wicked man turns away from the wickedness which he committed, and does what is lawful and right, he preserves himself alive. Because he considers and turns away from all the transgressions which he committed, he shall surely live; he shall not die. Yet the house of Israel says, ‘The way of the Lord is not fair.’ O house of Israel, is it not My ways which are fair, and your ways which are not fair?Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,' says the Lord God." Ezekiel 18:24-30

· "And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8

· "But My people would not heed My voice, and Israel would have none of Me.
So I gave them over to their own stubborn heart, to walk in their own counsels.
Oh, that My people would listen to Me, that Israel would walk in My ways!
I would soon subdue their enemies, and turn My hand against their adversaries." Psalm 81:11-14

· "For forty years I was grieved with that generation, and said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts, and they do not know My ways.’" Psalm 95:9

· "Cry aloud, spare not; lift up your voice like a trumpet;
Tell My people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins.
Yet they seek Me daily, and delight to know My ways,
As a nation that did righteousness, and did not forsake the ordinance of their God.
They ask of Me the ordinances of justice; they take delight in approaching God.
'Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You have not seen?
Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’" Isaiah 58:1-3

· "You are my portion, O Lord; I have said that I would keep Your words.
I entreated Your favor with my whole heart; be merciful to me according to Your word.
I thought about my ways, and turned my feet to Your testimonies." Psalm 119:57-59

· "To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in You....
Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day." Psalm 25:1-5

· "Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and He shall exalt you to inherit the land;" Psalm 37:34

· "God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence." 1 Corinthians 1:27-30

· "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil." Proverbs 3:5-7

· "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud." Proverbs 16:18-19

· "...for men to search their own glory is not glory." Proverbs 25:27

· "...present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.... And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:1-2

· "I say... to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly...." Romans 12:1-3

· "...be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for 'God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

· "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." 1 Peter 5:5-8

· "When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you. Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments... lest when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them... your heart is lifted up ....then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth.’...

· "...you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth....Then it shall be, if you by any means forget the Lord your God, and follow other gods, and serve them and worship them, I testify against you this day that you shall surely perish. As the nations which the Lord destroys before you, so you shall perish, because you would not be obedient to the voice of the Lord your God." Deuteronomy 8:10-20

· "For all that is in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life -- is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." 1 John 2:16-17

· "'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I am not a before and after story...

2010-02-19T17:15:00.000-06:00

What is most important is not whether we are predisposed to an enslaving habit but whether we are willing to do whatever it takes to bring this “diseased body” habit, or idol, under the control of reason and faith.

Yes, I am this enslaved little one. The thought produces an ache in my heart. I bear the scars of many wayward travels, painful journeys in dark forests. Places where I came to believe no one could rescue me, or no one would want to. For, oh my goodness, if people really knew who I was, what I was like. If people could see all that I lack, or hear my silly mumblings. If people saw this broken and bruised girl, huddled in a pile. Was I worth the effort, the investment? No, I wasn’t not to this world at least. There is only so much man can invest in another before they have to cut you loose. Man does not know how to love without depending on their own strength to tend to the broken. Only one can, and that is God.

He never gave up on me, which is why I am still here today. When I finally stopped running, He was right there, ready to wrap His loving arms around me and carry me back home where I belong. He placed specific people in my life to allow me to stop hiding. To stand out with a light of a microscope over me, allowing my family (Oh how I love you) and sisters (Lisa, Lauren, Caitlyn, Hannah, Lindsay) to lead me.I am a lost girl, but there is a twist to my story. It is not about an unbeliever who finds Jesus after years of wondering and is saved. Because when this story began, I ALREADY KNEW JESUS. I was already SAVED. I still NEED RESCUING!

I NEED MORE, I NEEDED HEALING FOR MY WOUNDS, I NEEDED FORGIVENESS AND GUIDANCE.

And I am not the only one. Most churched I have attended are filled with terrified, wandering little girls. Christian girls who see nothing in their lives but disappointment, rejection, shame, and brokenness. Women who struggle with painful experiences. I am talking about bible believing, born again women.

I understand how these women feel, because I have been where they are. In some ways, I am totally still there. I am a good Christian girl too. I grew up in the church and learned scripture. In fact I am a PK AND A MK. I accepted Christ at 11 and I am attending Dallas BAPTIST University. But my life has been full of pain and sin and shame and BROKENESS. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, etc…my life has been touched, not gently, with the reality of addiction and mental illness. I have known hopelessness to a point I could hardly breathe. There was a time, not too long ago, yikes, that I took steps to end my own life. Not a very Christian way to live? THAT’S EXACTLY MY POINT OF THIS POST!

I WAS A CHRISTIAN IN ALL MY LOST TIMES. And as much as I tried, I could not find my way out, No theoretical approach to my mind helped. I could not get to the place where I could hear the call of forgivenss. A place where my Father saw me, knew me, and embraced me. I place where I could run into His arms and scream at the top of my lungs “ Daddy, I found You.” And he would grasp me tightly and gently whisper, “Baby girl, I have been searching for you.”

In my experience and currently observing others, honesty can be a problem, especially for good Christian girls, because we are used to before and after stories. We are pretty quick to cover up our deeper failings, because we do not know how to handle pain or even because deep down, we are not sure God can really handle who we really are. BUT when we do that, we send a message to those who are hurting, that they are not welcome in our churches and lives. Especially if they are honest and admit they are losing the battle. And when we send this message, even to ourselves, I believe we are actually working against God.

God can work miracles with pain. It is pride and dishonesty and self deseption that slow down His rescue mission. I HAVE CERTAINLY HAVE HAD A HARD TIME WITH THIS.

I once believed that the Christian life was a simple before and after story, like the Disney movies I grew up watching, and believing in Jesus would automatically give me victory. That is false : ). Tenderly and relentlessly, He is pulling down my false idols and reminding me victory over sin is a battle I WILL NEVER WHEN HERE ON EARTH.

2010-02-15T18:28:00.000-06:00

Mark here. Responding to Liz's earlier post.

Favorite Beverages
1.) Iced tea w/ Sweet'N Low
2.) Water (not real exciting I know but I drink alot of it)
3.) Fruit Punch

Favorite Food
1.) Seafood
2.) Pizza (not best for me, but that wasn't the question lol)
3.) Burgers (see above)
4.) Mexican (uhh see above again)

Favorite Season
1.) Summer
2.) Christmas (I hate the cold, but I love everything else about Christmas)

Hobbies
1.) Hanging out with Liz
2.) TV
3.) Anything Disney
4.) Video games when I can (Wii & DSi)
5.) Hanging around the mall/mall area with no purpose

Favorite Movies
* Note: I don't watch as many movies as I used to, so this is all off the top of my head and may not be exact lol:
1.) Dumb & Dumber
2.) Tommy Boy
3.) Hackers
4.) Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure
5.) Back to the Future trilogy
6.) Any Star Wars movies
7.) Men in Black 1 & 2
8.) Independence Day
9.) Kill Bill: Vol. 1 & 2
10.) Child's Play movies

Mark out.

And it continues...

2010-02-12T13:12:00.001-06:00

Favorite Beverages
1. Sprite
2. Coffee
3. Dr. Pepper
4. Sweet Tea
Favorite Food
1. SEAFOOD
Favorite Season
1. I enjoy all the seasons God created…I really enjoy summer.
Hobbies
1. Reading, I LOVE BOOKS, I want a kindle oh so very much
2. RUNNING 1 Cor. 9:24-27
3. Babysitting…especially the Sisk kiddos and the Kendell girls.
4. Coloring
5. Basketball, Baseball, Football, and Tennis(I am learning how to play),Roller Blading
Favorite Movies
1. Guys and Dolls
2. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
3. Funny Face
4. The Kite Runner
5. Lord of the Rings series
6. Meet Joe Black
7. Invincible
8. Without Limits
9. Rudy
10. DISNEY

2010-02-11T15:44:00.000-06:00

Response to Mark:
Favorite news topics:
1.) Sports
2.) Psychology Today
3.) Runners World

Favorite vacation destinations:
1.) EUROPE
2.) Middle East

Favorite websites (quickly off the top of my head):
1.) http://www.facebook.com/
2.) ESPN.com

Favorite Disney characters:
1.) Peter Pan
2.) Chip-the cup in beauty and the beast
3.) Rhino-hamster in Bolt
4.) My fav princess would have to be…Ariel

Places I want to visit but haven't yet:
1.) London
2.) Ireland
3.) Germany

Interesting places I have been to:
1.) China
2.) Guatemala
3.) Costa Rica
4.) Washingto D.C.

Favorite sports teams:
1.) Dallas Cowboys
2.) Texas Rangers
3.) Rough Riders
4.) Texas A&M football and basketball
5.)DUKE basketball
6.)Texas Longhorns (Gods team)

2010-02-10T23:10:00.000-06:00

Mark here. Decided to put together a list of some random things about me. Please note these are truly random and follow no logical sequence lol:

Favorite news topics:
1.) Walt Disney World / Disneyland / any Disney park
2.) Disney
3.) Theme Parks
4.) Politics
5.) Showbiz News (not celeb gossip, but more industry stuff such as http://www.deadline.com/)

Favorite vacation destinations:
1.) Walt Disney World
* Uhh not sure after that lol.

Favorite websites (quickly off the top of my head):
1.) http://www.facebook.com/
2.) http://www.twitter.com/
3.) http://www.drudgereport.com/
4.) http://www.deadline.com/
5.) http://www.thewrap.com/
6.) http://www.foxnews.com/
7.) http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/

Favorite Disney characters:
1.) Stitch
2.) Tigger
3.) Pooh
4.) Mickey Mouse
5.) WALL-E

Places I want to visit but haven't yet:
1.) Wales / United Kingdom
2.) Any Disney theme park besides Walt Disney World
3.) Los Angeles
4.) New York City
5.) Australia

Interesting places I have been to:
1.) Israel
2.) Mall of America
3.) Turner Field to see an Atlanta Braves game
4.) Walt Disney World first aid
5.) Mall corridors behind the stores at The Galleria
6.) Ferry from the Seattle area to Victoria, British Columbia

Favorite sports teams:
1.) Dallas Cowboys
2.) Atlanta Braves
3.) Texas Rangers
4.) Frisco Roughriders (minor league baseball)
5.) Dallas Stars
6.) Dallas Mavericks
7.) Texas A&M
8.) Michigan

Well that is all for tonight. Mark out.

plug in head phones to hear clearly

2010-02-05T23:11:00.000-06:00

My family

2010-02-04T21:53:00.000-06:00

This week has been a tough week. I miss my family oh so very much and got so caught up this week thinking about how much I long for them to be with me. I always had this vision of one day finding a man, marrying that man, having children, and my family along side me. The vision even had the Rockwall setting, with a little home in the Shores, where Lottie and Emma would have slumber party's at my house cause I'm the cool big sister. Lottie and Emma would every now and then come over and confide in me, cause they know, well, I'm Sissy and I would fight and die for them any second of the day. I miss my family. Sometimes I ache for their presence, to hear their laughs, to hear those words I used to dread coming from my fathers mouth, "Elisabeth Ainslee Byrd"!

Today, I received a different vision that overwhelmed me. A vision that can only prosper into reality if I change and stop fearing change. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE ANYMORE. The answer is nothing. When I lose all of this world, I will gain LIFE. A life filled with real love, and passion. I life with a man who delights in me as the Lord does (Mark). I will be a mother who says no more, NO MORE to the bondage thats seems to be generational and eat a big mac at the same time. I'm not done yet. I have a lot to conquer. But I know that my flesh will be conquered,not by my will, but by God's hands.

My family, their winning souls to Christ. What is amazing, is that it took my family to move out of the country for me to experience God. Which has been a painful experience that I feel I would not have, if God did not call my family. All coping mechanisms, and lies, and fears where displayed center stage, with bright lights. THANK GOD. God placing me in isolation has turned into a tremendous blessing. I am learning trust, to love, and most importantly I am learning to be weak. That I am weak. You know what? Thats ok : ).In fact it's glorious, for my weakness will be turned into strength for the glory of God.

2010-02-04T16:08:00.000-06:00

Mark here. Sorry for the lack of another blog post this week. I have been busy at work and I know Liz has been busy keeping up with all her school work. Hopefully tonight or this weekend, I will post a recap of the Texas Half marathon Liz ran in (and I tagged along with) last weekend.

Here is a preview pic:

Until then,

Mark out

Little Intro

2010-02-01T23:00:00.000-06:00

What's up everybody. Mark here. Liz & I decided to start this blog as a way to document our adventure with each other!

Just a little intro. My story is a little different than Liz's. For me, I think I thought love was out there but I had no idea where (or when). I would go on a date here and there, but nothing serious. Everybody kept saying try dating websites, try this, try that. Something told me those really weren't for me. I was more like "God I am just going to let you find the right one and not put a time limit on it". I, of course, wanted a special someone but knew God could let me happy either way.

Flash forward to January 10. That is when I met Liz in Sunday School. She was there with her brother James. I thought she was cute for sure, but had no initial thoughts of asking her out. Then that afternoon, added her as a friend on Facebook. We started talking on FB, I asked her out, she said yes (woohoo!), and we went out that Saturday night. Going in I had a feeling this one was different, but had no idea it would go so wonderful. Once the date started, it was like we had know each other forever and we were so comfortable. We saw each other at church the next morning...and haven't looked back since!!!!

Flash forward to the present and I am madly in love with Liz. More than I would ever thought possible. I can't imagine life without her. She is amazing in so many ways: Godly, beautiful, funny, quirky, silly, outgoing, caring, full of life, passionate, smart. She is all I could ever hope for in a girlfriend. Two things particular stand out for me (besides the fact she is so dang cute!). One is that she is real. In that I mean, she never tries to pretend to be something else when I am around. She is just herself. Sometimes serious, sometimes dorky, but always Liz.

Second is that she is so loving. I have loved people before, but I have never had a girlfriend be so loving back to me. Liz is more loving than I thought a girlfriend could ever be, She does so many little things (and big things) that tell me she is dedicated heart, mind, and soul to our relationship.

To end this I say this to Liz directly: I love you Liz more than words can say. You have my heart and soul completely in your hands. I thank God everyday for introducing us and cannot wait for the wonderful things God has planned for us. I pray daily that I would be the best boyfriend and do all I can to serve you and make you happy. I love you tons babe!!!

- Mark

Not a moment too Soon

2010-02-01T17:58:00.000-06:00

Mark came into my life, not a moment too soon. We met earlier in the past when I was a lot younger, but initially in Sunday School when I got back from Costa Rica. The last few months before I met Mark, I was beginning to fall so deeply into the pit, convinced that "love" did not exist. I quote myself from a note I posted in November out of complete mourning for my hearts condition:

"Can an individual who has no self worth find love and restoration? Heck, the world and society is not going to provide. I am at
this point convinced that love is basically a script. We are conditioned to treat others with "love". BUT doesn't last cause its human nature to alienate and disregard what makes us feel inferior. Running out of patience. Loneliness is also a result from individuals inappropriate thought processes. People associate automatic negative cognitions which generalize each persons brokenness. We don't listen, we act of SCRIPTS. Its tiring. Makes it almost not worth it to pursue relationships. None of it seems real to me anymore."

This was a time of complete desperation. I fell deeply into old coping mechanism and then some, completely questioning my worth, salvation, and purpose. Then Mark stepped in, ready to conquer my heart. Now, I am not the sort of gal who lets others in too easily. I love people, but I do not trust them with my heart. I had no defense in his tactics. He swept me off my feet, and led me into the comfort of God's arms.

What captured my soul, was the way Mark held me, how he touched me, how he spoke to me. As if I could break or some how new I was broken. I am in love with this man, and the woman I am becoming as a result of his love. I feel as if God created a man just for me, to reflect His love and to outpour grace.